I Am the Very Model of an M to F Transsexual

I am the very model of an M to F Transsexual
I’ve changed my sex in Canada and Belgium and in Mex-u-al
Each day I read my Vouge and Cosmo and my Glamour-y
I’ve silicone and saline in my most expensive mammary.

I’m very well acquainted, too, with matters theoretical
I find J. Michael Bailey and his ilk so damned heretical
Just like Judith Butler, Helen Boyd and Betty I”ve a lot o’ news
With many cheerful facts about my hypothalmuse.

Chorus:
She’s many cheerful facts about the transgal hypothalmuse!
She’s many cheerful facts about the transgal hypothalmuse!
She’s many cheerful facts about the transgal hypothalmuse!

I had my forehead bonked and shaved and shaped by Dr. Oesterhut
I drink my whiskeys neet and up on pink and girly coasters but
I’ve been to Neenah, Scottsdale, but my wife she still suspects you all
I am the very model of an M to F Transsexual!

Chorus:
She’s been to Neenah, Scottsdale but her wife she still suspects us all!
She is the very model of an M to f Transsexual!

I drive a hybrid, ‘lectrocar that thrives on zero octane
I take Premarin and Estrace, Asprin, gin and Spirolactane,
I like arguing on line with wackos, wimps and get analysis
I paint my toenails pink for electo-rolysis.

I told my wife I loved her then I got myself a double D,
I’m still the same except my narccissitic personality,
I shop at Target, T.J Maxx and steal my skirts from Hit or Miss,
And I spent my children’s college fund on spongecake and a clitoris.

Chorus:
She blew her children’s college fund on spongecake and a clitoris!
She blew her children’s college fund on spongecake and a clitoris!
She blew her children’s college fund on spongecake and a clitoris!

I’m just the same as other women cept when I decide I’m not,
I’m half a Jezebel and half a not-forgotten Hotentot,
I’ve been on Larry King but Larry says he just rejects you all
I am the very model of an M to F Transsexual!

I spend my time with Helen, Betty, Chloe and with Sarah Lake
I love Lyn Conway just for her I baked myself a Tasty-cake
I yelled at Pregnant Man and unwise online-ordered hormone use
Did I say I’m well acquainted with the transgal hypothalamuse?

Chorus:
Yes, you said you’re well acquainted with the transgal hypothalmuse!
Yes, you said you’re well acquainted with the transgal hypothalmuse!
Yes, you said you’re well acquainted with the transgal hypothalmuse!

I wrote She’s Not There I read My Husband Betty I read Second Serve,
Connundrum, Wrapped in Blue, I love Calpernia and her bosom’s curve,
(suddenly bursts out with: )
I–uh–had sex with Donna Rose!!!
(looks mortified!)
Do I detect a pall?
(proudly: )
I am the very model of an M to F transsexual!

Chorus:
She is the very model of an M to F transsexual!
She is the very model of an M to F transsexual!
She is the very model of an M to F transsexual!

(she bows)
Thank you.